


Après Moi Le Deluge

by Neffectual



Series: 104 Reasons to Stay Alive [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Bottom Erwin Smith, Happy Ending, Heartache, M/M, eruri - Freeform, orisor inspired
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-10
Updated: 2014-07-10
Packaged: 2018-02-08 07:54:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1932891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neffectual/pseuds/Neffectual
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erwin gets to thinking about how much he misses his lover whilst Levi is away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Après Moi Le Deluge

**Author's Note:**

> Despite the title (look, it's got 'delu' in it, it's close e-bloody-nough), this was mostly written to 'So Bad' by Making April. The acoustic version, which I used to play when my girl was at uni and I was living with the parents.  
> Also, co-incidentally, there are a lot of instances of the word 'leaving' in this song, which sounds enough like 'Levi' for me to make tenuous connections.

They didn’t name Levi’s squad special ops for nothing, and there are always points where one or the other of them will be away, need to head out beyond the Wall, or to visit other garrisons. It feels strange, Erwin always muses, to be without his sarcastic little shadow quietly judging every move he makes. Being alone always reminds him that humanity is strongest together and whatever relationships they can find and pull together need to be kept sacred and safe. It also gives him a sharp reminder why children have stuffed animals; human beings were never meant to sleep alone. The bed feels too wide and empty, too much space to curl into, hands grasping for a warm body which isn’t there, not tonight, not this week. 

He rolls over to lie on what he thinks of as Levi’s pillow, but which he knows Levi would call ‘the pillow I sometimes sleep on’, because he’s a pedant when it comes to annoying Erwin in any way he can. A flood of images come to him as he breathes in the scent of his lover, a twinge in his chest as he counts down the days until Levi comes home to him. He knows the odds, knows how likely it is that Levi will never come back at all, but he can’t help that his heart leaps whenever he sees that familiar figure riding towards him, no matter if he is accompanied by his entire squad or a few walking wounded dragging corpses. As a commander, his first duty should be to his men, but as a lover, he couldn’t care less as long as Levi makes it back safely. Everything else is secondary.

He sleeps, finally, fretfully, and has the dreams again, the one where the squad come back and there’s this body wrapped in a sheet, this small, slender body, and he wakes gasping for breath. Only when he sees his lover like that does he realises just how small he is, because personality makes up for a lot of height within the memory of those Levi meets. It can’t be, it won’t be, he doesn’t ever want to have to face that, and Levi reassures him every time that it won’t happen. Well, the Levi version of reassuring, which is to tut and rolls his eyes. Strange how such a disrespectful gesture can convey so much that Levi hates to say, but it does. They’ve known each other for too long to misunderstand glances, half-touches in the corridors, eye contact, as anything but passing messages, silent, heartfelt messages.

When Erwin wakes again, from quieter dreams, Levi is sitting up in bed beside him, stroking his hair. He snatches his hand back the second he sees Erwin is awake, and allows himself to be tackled to the bed. Erwin starts slow, running his hands over every inch, checking for wounds, for damage, pressing gently on each rib to check for fractures. Levi hisses at one, but shakes his head.  
“Just a bruise,” he says, rolling his larger partner over, using that deceptive strength of his to its full extent, “Stop worrying, old man.”  
Erwin laughs, a soft sound in the quiet, before he surges up to kiss Levi, hands around his waist and pulling him close.  
“I missed you.” He says carefully, when they break for air.  
“I never would have guessed.” Levi says, dryly, but leans down for another kiss anyway, pretending to pander to Erwin’s clinginess, “I thought you would have been filling your bed with eager cadets whilst I was away.”  
Erwin swats his backside for the comment, and grins. Neither of them says anything about how flexibility and youth is no contest against someone who knows you better than you know yourself, how it feels when the other half of your soul is in your arms. Neither of them says anything about how, were Erwin to take his pick of the recruits who smile at him in the mess hall, Levi would currently be lounging in this bed with a lot of blood and perhaps the odd miscellaneous organ. They know each other, maybe almost too well, and words can’t convey everything which they can say with a look.

Eventually, they’ll have to go to dinner, Levi will have to debrief his squad, Erwin will need to plan the next mission, take a hand in the next strategy meeting. Eventually, Hanji will laugh at the purple bruise blooming on Erwin’s neck, and talk about how Levi has renewed his claim. Eventually, they will have to become Commander and Captain, at least for the view of the lower ranks, and take their roles on the battlefield which is quickly becoming everywhere in this damned war. Eventually, but not now.

For now, Erwin relishes being powerless, having the stress of command taken from him as he lies under Levi, powerful, beautiful, deadly Levi, who mouths at his thigh the entire time he’s preparing his lover, and is more gentle than perhaps others might think. Erwin knows the noise he makes when he is slowly filled is embarrassing, can see Levi trying to hide the smirk, but he doesn’t care, not in that moment, because Levi is here, safe, whole, and he wants to worship every inch of that exposed skin he can see. He rolls his hips into each thrust, a mewl sliding out as Levi finds just the right spot, and when he comes, it is with Levi’s name on his lips and Levi’s hand in his hair, and Levi’s mouth on his collarbone.

Yes, eventually all this will end, and the chances of one or both of them failing to return grow exponentially as they slowly run out of men, they both know this. They are nothing if not realists, because this world has no place for ideals and childish faith. Eventually, yes, but not now. As Erwin falls asleep with Levi tucked against his body, their hands clutching each other tight, he thinks that, maybe, this is enough. For now.


End file.
